Fears

First, let me say that I hope my words in this post do not seem insensitive to others. I have several precious friends struggling with infertility, and I realize how truly blessed we are with TWO miracles at once! I do not want to come across as whiny or ungrateful for the blessings we have been given. That being said, I thought I'd blog this morning about some of my fears about expecting, birthing, and raising twins today. I hope that one day I can look back and laugh at my silly fears!

Fear #1: Going into labor. I loved being induced with Maddex. My house was clean and prepared, bags were packed, I didn't have to question contractions, and no messy water breaking! It was beautiful. I'm so afraid of going into labor & not really knowing what's going on until it's too late. My personality tends to lean toward the "it's no big deal" side & I can just seem myself having labor contractions for hours and think they're just the Braxton Hicks I've been having. I don't want to give birth in the car!!! Also, having a child already makes going into labor a little more tricky - we'll have to figure out what to do with sweet Maddex if I go into labor!

Fear #2: Exhaustion. This fear is present on a variety of levels. I remember being tired with Maddex, but Mitch and I had a great system! I'd go to bed pretty early & he'd stay up with Maddex until around 2:00. I'd wake up to feed her & take over. She'd usually eat & sleep at that point. I think I slept from 9 - 9 every day with feedings every three hours. It was manageable! Now with two babies, I'm not sure there's going to be ANY shift taking! I forsee sleepless nights for both of us & this makes me incredibly nervous! I'm also concerned about exhaustion when I head back to work. Right now, it looks like I'll be off only 8 weeks (a possible 10 if the babies come at the end of October). I am very anxious about returning to work with two teenie babes that are likely not sleeping very much. I'm just not sure how I'll be expected to function! Please join me in prayer that our sweet twins will be sleepers!

Fear #3: Bathtime. I KNOW this one is silly! With the possibility of a c-section, I will REALLY miss my beloved baths. A shower just isn't the same to me!

Fear #4: Time. I pray I am able to figure out how to spread my time between all members of my family - especially when I head back to work. I pray the Lord gives me discernment to give attention to my precious husband, sweet daughter, and baby twins as they need. I pray that our marriage will only be strengthened by the challenge set before us of three kids under TWO!

Despite these fears, I know that God is in control (cue Twila Paris) of our family. I trust He will walk me through these moments and provide the clarity, rest, and peace that we will need to survive!